The Divorce Hotlist: 10 Questions You’re Asking in 2025

According to The Knot, 37% of engagements in the United States happen between November and February.

Yet January is called "divorce month" in some legal circles because of a reported spike in divorce filings. Whether it's the aftermath of holiday stress or part of a New Year's resolution, divorce is on many people's minds at the beginning of the year.

To guide you through the ups and downs of love and law in 2025, the editors of Nolo have put together a roundup of some of the most pressing divorce-related issues.

1. What's the divorce rate?

Myths about the divorce rate are widespread, and you can find wildly different statistics in a quick online search. That's partly because "divorce rate" can mean different things. Here are a few reasons why:

• When divorce happens in marriages. Statistics on the divorce rate don't show how many marriages end in divorce. The National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) regularly reports on the number of divorces and marriages in most U.S. states. But dividing divorce numbers by marriage numbers in the same year won't tell you anything meaningful. Couples who get divorced in any year aren't the same ones who got married that year, and those who got married at different times get divorced at different rates. For instance, baby boomers who married in the 1960s and 1970s have a relatively high divorce rate compared to couples who married in later years.
• Demographics. Divorce rates are different among different demographic groups. For instance, many studies have shown that divorce rates are higher for couples who marry young, people with less education and lower incomes, and couples in their second (or third) marriages.
• Marriage rates. Marriage rates have been dropping at the same time as divorce rates—and both marriage rates and divorce rates vary from state to state. That's why raw data on divorce rates (percentage of divorces in the total population) can be misleading, whether you're looking at the country as a whole or comparing different states.

Researchers at the National Center for Family & Marriage Research have refined data from the NCHS and the U.S. Census Bureau to come up with more useful data on the divorce rate per married female population (because women report marital status more frequently and accurately). Their results show:

• In 2023, 1.44% of married women in the U.S. got divorced. (Remember: This doesn't refer to the percentage of marriages that end up in divorce–rather, it simply means that out of every 1,000 married women, 14.4 of them got divorced that year.) This is a slight decline from 2022 and a significant decline from the late 1970s.
• States with the highest divorce rates were Alaska, Delaware, Nevada, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Alabama, Kentucky, Indiana, and Mississippi. The lowest rates came from Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Hawaii.

Reliable statistics on the rate of same-sex divorce are currently hard to come by, since same-sex marriage has been legal in the U.S. only since 2015. However, early statistics from England and Wales seem to indicate that lesbian couples are somewhat more likely to get divorced than gay male couples.

2. How much does divorce cost and how long does it take?

There's no simple, accurate answer to that question. The cost of divorce depends on your individual circumstances, especially:

• if you'll hire a lawyer or a mediator (or both), or if you can handle the divorce on your own, and
• whether you and your spouse can agree on the important issues in your divorce—and if so, how soon in the process you reach a settlement.

If you hire a lawyer, your attorney's fees will be the main driver of costs in your divorce. Our survey on the cost of divorce showed that the typical (median) cost with a lawyer was $7,000 in 2019. The cost is likely to be higher now. According to Clio, a legal technology company, attorneys' fees for average cases have matched inflation rates.

Our survey also showed that costs climbed as people had more disputes—and were especially steep when couples had to go to trial to resolve them. When you're hiring a lawyer, the attorney may give you a rough estimate of the projected fees in your case, based on the information you've provided about your situation. But that estimate could change significantly—for instance, if your spouse is particularly stubborn about settling an issue.

In contrast, the typical cost of a DIY divorce was $300—but those readers were more likely to have uncontested divorces. Mediation costs can also affect the cost of divorce if you choose to go that route.

(You can take our quiz to find out which divorce path is right for you: DIY divorce, mediation, or hiring a lawyer.)

Like divorce costs, the amount of time it takes to get divorced will depend on your individual circumstances—particularly the number of issues you and your spouse disagree about, and whether you can eventually settle those disputes or will need to go to trial.

• If you have an uncontested divorce, you can usually get your final divorce within a few months—depending on where you live and whether your local court has backlogs. Most states have mandatory waiting periods before a divorce can become final—typically 30 to 90 days, but as long as six months in California. And if you live in one of the states that require lengthy separation periods before divorce, you may have to wait even longer if you haven't already been living apart from your spouse.
• A contested divorce will take longer, depending on the number of disputed issues, how much you and your spouse can cooperate, and how complicated your finances are. For instance, it can take a long time to search for hidden assets if your spouse is trying to conceal offshore accounts or other assets. Bitter custody battles can also stretch out for many months or even years.

In our divorce survey, we also asked readers how long it took them to get divorced. Overall, it took six months or less for nearly four in ten readers. Couples who had contested divorces but eventually settled their issues took an average of 13 months to get their final divorce. And for those who went to trial, the entire divorce process took an average of 18 months.

3. Who should get a divorce and do they need a lawyer?

Ending a marriage is a life-altering decision with significant legal, financial, social, and emotional consequences. When a relationship is strained, it can feel like there is no clear path forward. Getting a divorce is hard. Trying to revive a marriage is also hard.

Unfortunately, no crystal ball can tell you (or your spouse) if you should get a divorce. Absent a clear-cut deal-breaker like domestic violence and abuse, it can be helpful to spend time working through the practical and emotional implications of leaving a marriage, ideally with an individual or couples counselor.

If you decide to move forward with a divorce, you'll need to take legal steps to end your marriage. Many people, understandably, are intimidated by legal jargon and court forms. So they may wonder if they need a lawyer. No state legally requires you to hire a divorce lawyer, but if you have a lot at stake in your divorce—child custody, alimony, real estate, retirement accounts—a lawyer can help protect your rights. You'll need to hire your own lawyer—a divorce lawyer can't ethically represent both spouses in a divorce.

If you can't afford a lawyer, you can represent yourself. Many states offer self-help centers where you can find divorce forms and instructions on how to complete the forms for free. You can also use an online divorce service, an increasingly popular option, to guide you through the paperwork you need for a lot less than a lawyer would charge.

4. How do you get a divorce?

You'll need to start the divorce process by filing a petition (or complaint) in your state's courts and serving your spouse with the divorce papers. Beyond that, the details of how and where to file for divorce—as well as the requirements you must meet—vary from state to state. For example:

• In almost all states, you or your spouse must have lived in the state for a certain amount of time before you can file for divorce there. The residency requirement is typically three to six months, but it can be as long as a year or two–and it might depend on where you got married.
• You'll need to claim a legally accepted reason ("ground") for divorce, but all states allow you to file for a no-fault divorce (more on that below).
• In a few states—including North Carolina, South Carolina, Louisiana, and Kentucky—you must live "separate and apart" from your spouse for a certain amount of time before you can file for divorce or get your final divorce. The separation requirement may depend on whether you have kids and what type of divorce you're getting.

As part of the divorce, a judge will issue orders dealing with:

• the division of your property and debts
• alimony, if a spouse has requested it), and
• if you have minor children, custody and child support.

However, you and your spouse have the option of agreeing about any of these issues rather than having a judge decide for you. If you're able to reach a marital settlement agreement that resolves all of these issues by the time you start the legal process, you can save a lot of time and money (as in attorney's fees) by filing for an uncontested divorce.

5. Are divorce decrees public records?

A divorce decree—sometimes called a divorce judgment or judgment of dissolution—is the official document that the court will issue when your divorce is final.

Along with the basic information about the spouses, their minor children, attorneys, and the official end date of their marriage, the divorce decree may also include specific orders on issues like the division of your property and debts, any alimony, and child custody and support. If you and your spouse settled those issues, the judge will incorporate your settlement agreement in the judgment—and may simply attach the agreement rather than spelling out the details in the decree itself.

You'll generally get your copy of the divorce decree at the final hearing in your case or in the mail. You can also request another certified copy in the future, usually from the court clerk's office or online through the court's website.

A divorce certificate is a different kind of document. It includes only the information needed to prove that you and your spouse are divorced, such as your names, the judge's name, and the date and court where your divorce was finalized. You can request a copy of your divorce certificate from the vital records office in the state where you divorced.

Public access to divorce decrees and certificates varies by state. In many states, like California and Florida, decrees and certificates are generally accessible to anyone. Other states make divorce certificates publicly available while limiting access to divorce decrees. New York, for example, keeps divorce decrees confidential for 100 years after they are filed. (N.Y. Dom. Rel. § 235 (2025).)

Even in states with open access to decrees, courts redact (hide) some sensitive information from public view like Social Security numbers and details about minor children. You might be able to further limit public access by filing a motion to seal your divorce records. You'll typically have to explain why your privacy concerns outweigh the public's right to access the information. Judges often agree to keep things like allegations of abuse, medical records, or proprietary business information private. You might also be able to negotiate a confidentiality agreement with your spouse. If you have questions about protecting your privacy during a divorce, a lawyer can walk you through your options.

6. Is no-fault divorce going away?

No-fault divorce was first legalized in California in 1969. By 2010, all 50 states had a no-fault option. No-fault divorce allows you to unilaterally end a marriage based on "irreconcilable differences" or the "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage" without having to show wrongdoing by your spouse.

No-fault divorce is popular because it tends to be faster, cheaper, and less stressful than traditional fault divorce. Researchers have found that no-fault divorce laws may even save lives. In a study published in 2003, economists at the University of Michigan found a "striking decline in female suicide and domestic violence rates" coinciding with the rise of no-fault divorce laws.

Following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, some conservative policymakers and lawmakers have turned their attention to no-fault divorce, arguing that it has contributed to the breakdown of the American family. House Speaker Mike Johnson has suggested that no-fault divorce is amoral. He and his wife have a covenant marriage, a legally binding commitment available in three states, which makes it difficult to get a divorce.

In the wake of President Trump's reelection, some people have expressed concern that they will lose access to no-fault divorce. But legal experts don't expect sudden changes to divorce laws. Each state gets to make its own divorce laws. As of early 2025, the few states that have tried to repeal no-fault divorce have gotten nowhere.

7. Why is everyone talking about gray divorce?

The term "gray divorce" refers to an emerging trend involving late-in-life divorce. According to a 2022 study, the divorce rate for people 50 and over has doubled since the 1990s and tripled among those over 65. Currently, 36% of adults getting divorced in the United States are 50 and older.

Older couples divorce for all of the same reasons most couples end marriages—poor communication, financial incompatibility, and extramarital affairs. And they face additional challenges that come with age, including:

• empty nest syndrome
• health problems, and
• the reality of retirement with an increased life expectancy.

If you are divorcing after 50, it's important to understand and prepare for the financial, legal, and emotional fallout. Women especially need to understand the financial risk of a gray divorce. A 2020 study found that wives who divorce after 50 experience a 45% decline on average in their standard of living, while husbands' dropped by 21%. Yet, according to research by AARP, women initiate 66% of gray divorces, suggesting that many older women prioritize independence over money.

For in-depth information on all key issues related to late-life divorce, check out Divorce After 50: Your Guide to the Unique Legal and Financial Challenges, by Janice Green (Nolo).

8. What can we learn from celebrity divorces?

Most of the top divorce-related internet searches so far this year (and every year) are about celebrity divorces. People enjoy celebrity gossip as a form of social connection and sometimes schadenfreude (delight in the troubles of others).

Contrary to what Us Weekly would like us to believe, stars are not just like us. Their lives—and divorces—seem larger than life. Yet we can learn from their divorce mistakes. Here are some lessons from recent high-profile splits:

• The value of a prenup. Proving that celebrities aren't immune to the gray divorce trend, Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness separated in 2023 after 27 years of marriage. As of early 2025, they still aren't divorced. According to Yahoo, they still haven't even filed for divorce because they have no prenuptial agreement and are having trouble dividing a reported $250 million fortune. Like many people, they thought their marriage would last forever and they couldn't have predicted where their careers would take them when they were struggling actors nearly 30 years ago. A prenup could have clarified their financial rights and helped them avoid a potentially messy court battle.
• You can settle a divorce fast. Viewers were shocked when the Derricos, stars of a popular reality show, announced their divorce in the summer of 2024. According to TMZ, the couple filed for divorce in Nevada on June 4 and the divorce became final just two days later when a judge approved their settlement. The couple reportedly prioritized the well-being of their 14 children and agreed to split legal and physical custody of their 13 minor children.
• A contested divorce can take a long time. On the other end of the spectrum, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took eight years to finalize their divorce, waging lengthy court battles over child custody and property division before finally reaching a divorce settlement in 2024. The details of this high-profile split aren't relatable—one of their marital assets is a French Chateau valued at $164 million—but the lesson that lengthy litigation is painful and expensive applies to everyone.

9. Is adultery a crime?

Most states have abolished their old laws making adultery a crime. (New York finally joined the majority in 2024.) However, adultery is still a crime in 16 states. Potential punishments range from a small fine ($10 in Maryland) to significant jail time in the three states where adultery is a felony (Wisconsin, Michigan, and Oklahoma).

The criminal laws against adultery may be broad (covering any sex outside of marriage, as in Alabama) or relatively narrow (as in Illinois, which outlaws only "open and notorious" adultery). In some of these states, only the married adulterer can be charged with a crime, while the laws in other states apply to both participants in the affair.

But all states where adultery is a crime have one thing in common: Prosecutors very rarely press charges against people who have extramarital affairs.

Even though criminal adultery laws are outdated and almost never enforced, adultery can sometimes play a role in divorce—at least in some states.

• Adultery as a legal reason for divorce. In the states that allow fault divorces (discussed above), adultery is always one of the types of misconduct that can be a legal reason for divorce.
• Adultery and alimony. When divorce judges are making decisions about alimony, several states allow them to consider a spouse's misconduct—including adultery—along with the other circumstances in the case. A few states (including Georgia and Virginia) even prohibit awarding alimony to spouses whose extramarital affairs caused the end of the marriage. In contrast, some other states explicitly rule out any consideration of adultery in decisions about spousal support.

10. What are some of the top issues divorcing parents face?

The old adage—marriage is about love, divorce is about money—doesn't reflect the charged emotions that can play a big role when divorcing parents have minor children (or when one of them is pregnant). Now that all states have detailed guidelines for calculating child support, fewer couples have court battles over that issue. Still, questions around child custody—especially where the kids will live and how much time they'll spend with each parent—remain a common source of conflict and worry. Added to that are new concerns related to IVF treatments and "custody" of frozen embryos after divorce.

Do women get child custody more than men? What about joint custody?

Historically, the laws in many countries gave fathers almost total custody rights over their children. In the United States (and many other countries), that began to change in the 19th century. By the 20th century, U.S. courts shifted their focus in custody disputes to the children's rights and welfare. Because traditional gender roles in families persisted—with mothers primarily responsible for child rearing—women usually got sole physical custody of their kids after divorce, while fathers typically had only visitation.

That pattern is changing. It's hard to come by accurate statistics on whether mothers still get custody more often than men. There are several reasons for this, including:

• A lot of people quote data from the U.S. Census Bureau on the percentage of children who lived with their mothers after divorce in 2018 (about 80%). Not only is that statistic several years old, but it reflects parenting arrangements that were often decided many years before that, in the parents' divorce.
• The vast majority of parents with custody disputes sign a parenting agreement sooner or later, rather than going to trial. (In fact, 44% of the parents who answered our divorce quiz said they had already agreed on child custody and support—and that was before almost all of them had even filed for divorce.) It's not easy to gather statistics on settlement agreements, because they aren't always part of a court record.

Despite these statistical hurdles, several studies show that fathers are getting more time with their kids after divorce. But the trend isn't so much toward awarding sole custody to more fathers. Rather, more parents—and courts—prefer joint custody. With joint (or shared) physical custody, both parents have significant time with their children.

The laws in some states presume that joint custody is best for the children—and in Missouri, that means equal or approximately equal parenting time. At first glance, that's a laudable goal. But many domestic violence advocates argue that a presumption for joint custody means parents of abused children have an extra burden to prove that the abuser shouldn't have shared custody of the kids.

Even when the joint-custody preference isn't built into the law, most judges try to make sure children will have frequent and continuing contact with both parents after divorce. They recognize that's what's best for the kids in most cases.

Which states allow divorce during pregnancy?

Despite what you may have read online, no states prohibit couples from getting divorced when one of the spouses is pregnant.

Depending on where you live, however, it may take you longer to get a final divorce if you or your spouse is pregnant. Here's how that might work:

• You may not be able to take advantage of special streamlined divorce procedures in some states, which are typically not available when couples have children or one spouse is pregnant.
• Generally, judges aren't allowed to issue orders regarding the custody and support of a child who isn't born yet. As a result, judges in some states may delay your final divorce until the child is born so that the divorce decree can include the necessary child custody and child support orders.

Learn more about getting a divorce while pregnant, including when you might be able to get a "status-only" divorce while one spouse is pregnant—meaning that you'll be divorced but will have to return to court later to deal with child support and custody.

Who gets custody of frozen embryos in a divorce?

According to CNN, about 2% of babies born in the United States result from in vitro fertilization. As more people rely on IVF to start a family, disputes over the legal status of embryos—and who gets to make decisions about what happens to them—are increasing.

At the heart of the legal and ethical debate over embryos is the question of whether they are property, unborn children, or something in between. When custody disputes over frozen embryos arise, most states enforce the embryo disposition agreement couples routinely sign during the intake process at their fertility clinic. Be sure to read these forms carefully or write your agreement with the help of a lawyer.

In February 2024, the Alabama Supreme Court made headlines when it ruled that an embryo created by IVF was a child under state law, allowing patients to sue for wrongful death over the destruction of a frozen embryo. Within a month, Alabama lawmakers passed a law restoring access to IVF in the state. But with the fall of Roe v. Wade, putting reproductive rights in the hands of each state, the future of IVF is uncertain.