Chapter 2
Marriage and Marriage-Equivalent Relationships

Same-Sex Marriage in the Marriage Equality States................... 37

Requirements for a Marriage License...................................... 37

Rights and Responsibilities....................................................... 38

Ending a Legal Marriage.......................................................... 39

Marriage Equivalent: California’s Domestic Partnership Law...... 41

Requirements for Registration................................................. 41

Rights and Responsibilities of California Registered Domestic Partners  44

Ending a California Domestic Partnership............................... 45

Other Marriage Equivalent Laws.................................................. 48

Requirements for a Civil Union or Domestic Partnership........ 49

Rights and Responsibilities of a Civil Union or Domestic Partnership       49

Ending a Domestic Partnership or Civil Union......................... 50

The Status of “Outdated” Civil Unions..................................... 52

Pre- and Postpartnership Agreements......................................... 52

Marriage Lite: Relationship Recognition in Wisconsin,
Colorado, and Maine.................................................................. 53

Colorado’s Reciprocal Beneficiaries Law................................ 54

Wisconsin’s Domestic Partnership Law................................... 54

Domestic Partnership in Maine................................................ 55

Is Marriage (or Its Equivalent) Right for You?.............................. 55

Every year for centuries, heterosexual couples have married without giving a second thought to the legal ramifications of their decision. Most likely they assumed they would share finances, and often one partner supported the other financially. They often owned property together, and often one partner owned property before the marriage and added the new spouse to the title after they married. They gave each other gifts, sometimes very expensive ones. Most typically, they had children and no one questioned either spouse’s legal relationship with those children. If they divorced, they assumed the court system would accommodate their legal needs, and they transferred property between themselves to settle the divorce without any concern about tax consequences.

As of 2012, when this edition of this book is being published, same-sex couples in more than 15 states can sign up for marriage or its equivalent, two more states have marriage equality laws pending, and an estimated 80,000 couples now come under the umbrella of state marital rules. But unlike their straight friends and relatives, these couples cannot afford to enter into legal relationships without considering the financial and legal consequences.

While your state’s law may give you the same rights and responsibilities enjoyed by heterosexual married couples, the lack of recognition across state lines—and most crucially, the discriminatory nonrecognition by the federal government—is a distinction that makes all the difference. For example, let’s say that you and your partner live in Connecticut. You now have the right to legally marry, but it’s not clear what that really means. If you do it, will you be responsible for each other’s debts? Will you have to share your income? Will you file joint tax returns? If you have children, will you both be legal parents? If you break up, who gets what, and who decides? Your partner is gung-ho about becoming legal partners, believing that it would demonstrate your commitment to each other, make a political statement about same-sex relationships, and make your lives better. You’re completely committed to the relationship, but you wonder about the details of making it legal—and you’re not sure it’s the best option for the two of you.

What should you do? First, review the material below to learn the basics about how your state law treats same-sex couples who enter into legal relation­ships, whether full marriage or a marriage equivalent. Next, if you’re not prepared to sign up for the complete package of marital rules, talk to a lawyer about how the rules would apply to your particular circumstances. Find out whether a written agreement signed before your marriage or legal partnership would allow you to opt out of the elements that you don’t want, while allowing you the benefits that would work for your relationship. Talk with your partner about what you learn, and make an informed decision about what you want to do.

This chapter discusses the states with marriage or marriage-equivalent relationships, beginning with the ones that allow same-sex couples to marry. The chapter also covers marriage-like relationships in nine other states, and briefly summarizes where things stand in some of the “in-between” and “marriage-lite” states.

There are some basic principles you should keep in mind no matter where you live:

Having the same rights as married couples in your state does not translate over to federal rights. The federal government does not recognize same-sex marriage, domestic partner registration, or civil union. This means that none of the 1,000-plus federal rights that go along with marriage apply to same-sex couples, regardless of the status of the relationship under state law. For example, same-sex couples cannot take advantage of Social Security benefits, immigration privileges, or exemptions from gift tax and federal estate tax.

For more about why federal marriage rights matter, see www.freedomtomarry.org or www.marriageequality.org.

If you want to marry or register but don’t want all of your state’s marriage rules to apply to you, you may be able to enter into a prenuptial or pre­partnership agreement—and you’ll need a lawyer’s help. Every state that recognizes same-sex relationships also permits prenuptial or preregistration agreements. You can use a preregistration agreement to define your financial relationship by stating what property is separate and what is shared and providing for a customized division of property and payment of support should you separate. Each state has its own rules about preregistration agreements, and it’s crucial that you see a lawyer before preparing an agreement—otherwise the agreement may not be enforceable.

If you want to learn more about preregistration agreements, see Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair & Lasting Contract, by Katherine E. Stoner and Shae Irving (Nolo).

Military service members still face challenges. In 2011, the discriminatory “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy was repealed, and lesbians and gay men can now serve openly in the U.S. military. However, service members continue to face discrimination. The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) means that the military, as a branch of the federal government, won’t provide the same benefits—for example, health care—to the spouses of gay and lesbian service members as they do to opposite-sex spouses. Other benefits available to opposite-sex but not same-sex partners and spouses include family housing, assistance with relocating a spouse, and various types of practical and social assistance offered by the military to service members’ families.

Immigration issues and public benefits are also red flags that may mean it’s better not to register. If one partner is not a U.S. citizen and is either undocumented or here on a nonimmigrant visa, it’s probably not a good idea to register as domestic partners. Registering might be considered evidence of an impermissible intent to stay permanently in the United States. In addition, if either partner receives public benefits, legal registration could cause more trouble than it’s worth. If you’re in any of these situations, talk to a lawyer before you register.

Parentage isn’t necessarily secure under federal law. In most marriage-equality and marriage-equivalent states, a child born into a marriage or registered domestic partnership or civil union is legally the child of both partners under state law. Both parents’ names can go on the birth certificate immediately, and the nonbiological or “second” parent has equal rights with the biological parent. However, the federal government may not recognize the second parent with regard to Social Security, COBRA coverage, or other federal purposes, so it’s still important that the second parent use a legal adoption procedure to ensure that the parent-child relationship is protected. There’s more about parentage in Chapter 5.

Use a court procedure to change your name. Although all states allow married people to change their names upon marriage without a court proceeding, there is still discrimination against same-sex couples when it comes to name changes. If you want to be sure that your name change is legal, use a court procedure.

Same-Sex Marriage in the Marriage Equality States

Marriage equality came first to Massachusetts when the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled in November 2003 that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage violated the state constitution. The ruling took effect on May 27, 2004. In the five and a half years that the law has been in effect, more than 16,000 same-sex couples have married. In the last four years, full marriage equality has been extended to same-sex couples in Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Connecticut, Iowa, and the District of Columbia—quite a dramatic change in the landscape. In addition, both Washington State and Maryland have passed marriage equality laws that will take effect in late 2012 and early 2013, respectively, unless voter referendums interfere. While the specifics for each state are slightly different, the general requirements and procedures for marriage are fairly standard.

Requirements for a Marriage License

To get a marriage license in any marriage-equality state, you must be 18 or older, not married to anyone else, not related by blood to your intended spouse, and in a few remaining states, have taken a blood test showing that you do not have communicable syphilis. When Massachusetts first allowed same-sex marriage, you had to be a Masschusetts resident unless you lived in a state that would recognize your Massachusetts marriage—but this is no longer the rule. None of the other states have residency requirements either (nor does Canada, which legalized same-sex marriage some years ago). But don’t forget that in each of these states, there is a residency requirement to divorce—see below.

Rights and Responsibilities

Once married, same-sex couples who live in a marriage-equality state have all the rights and responsibilities granted to all married couples in the state. But the federal government continues to refuse to acknowledge same-sex marriages, so the federal benefits of marriage are still unavailable. If you don’t live in a marriage-equality state and you travel to get married, then depending on the precise law of your home state, your marriage may or may not be recognized. Your marriage is still valid, in the sense that you will be treated as married in any marriage-equality state, but it probably won’t be recognized in the state where you live.

The ramifications to the emergence of full marriage equality in a handful of states are enormous, and will continue to affect couples nationally for many years. Undoubtedly, some couples will marry in their marriage-equality home state, then move for business or personal reasons and attempt to enforce their marriage in their new home state. This raises the constitutional issues called “comity” and “full faith and credit.” The United States Constitution generally says that marriages in one state must be recognized by all other states. But in some instances, states are granted the right to disregard a marriage of another state based on so-called “public policy” concerns. And the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) says that same-sex marriages in one state do not have to be recognized in other states, or by federal agencies. Many states have passed their own DOMAs banning recognition of same-sex marriages from out of state, and a depressing number of states have passed constitutional amendments prohibiting the state from recognizing same-sex relationships of any kind from other states.

Thus, unless you are living in a full marriage-equality or marriage-equivalent state that explicitly recognizes same-sex marriages, it may be years before your legal status is recognized where you actually live, and you may encounter a patchwork of uneven responses. In other words, one employer or state agency may treat you as married, while another views you as two single unrelated adults. As unfair as this disparate treatment is, it is going to be our reality during this time of legal transition and social evolution.

Ending a Legal Marriage

Another important issue is how couples married in a marriage-equality state can end their relationships if they no longer live in that state (or ever lived there), or in another marriage-equality state. The only way to end a marriage is through divorce, and because some states will not recognize a same-sex marriage, it may be difficult to get courts in those states to grant a divorce. (Texas and Oklahoma have refused to entertain divorce cases for same-sex couples. In Texas, the two men appealed and eventually were allowed to get their divorce, but in Oklahoma the decision stands, so far.)

You may think you can just return or move to a marriage-equality state to get a divorce, but it’s not that simple. Most states have a residency requirement for divorce, meaning that before you can even file for divorce you must have lived in the state for a certain period of time, usually six months to a year. (A few states have no residency requirements to start a divorce action, but they have special rules that you should consult before filing.) And once you file for a court divorce, it typically takes at least six months, and probably longer, for a divorce to become final.

And it’s not just a question of having access to the court for a divorce. There is often the bigger quandary of whether you are treated as married when it comes to issues of parentage, money, and assets. In a divorce process, it may be in the financial or personal interest of one spouse to have the marriage go unrecognized, so they can avoid sharing assets or parentage with their now-despised partner. It’s an unfortunate truth that some same-sex partners will ask courts not to recognize the marriage for that reason.

There are really no certain answers to these questions as yet—but see below for ways that you can keep up to date on what is happening in this quickly changing area of the law—and manage your personal lives in the meantime.

Don’t be a bigamist. If you are married or have registered for a marriage-equivalent civil union or domestic partnership, check with a lawyer before trying to get married again anywhere else—to the same person or to someone else. If you have a marriage certificate, you are legally married and any marriage you enter into later will probably be considered invalid. If you have a marriage-equivalent civil union or domestic partnership, you have a legal status that is equivalent to marriage and you may also be guilty of bigamy if you marry someone else while the other legal relationship is still intact. It’s unclear what the legal consequences might be of marrying the same person with whom you have the previous marriage, domestic partnership, or civil union. At best, it won’t matter. At worst, you could find yourself in a complicated fight if you and your partner separate and end up in a dispute about which relationship is valid and what was your “date of marriage,” and which state’s laws you’ll use to end your relationship.

Chapter 3 has information about tax filing status if you are legally married, and also addresses other practical issues about recognition of your marriage. Chapter 5 explains the effect of marriage on your status as parents, if you have kids.

Marriage Equivalent: California’s Domestic Partnership Law

California’s domestic partnership law has evolved from providing some limited rights, such as hospital visitation, when it was first enacted in 2000, to offering a comprehensive scheme that gives domestic partners essentially all of the same rights and responsibilities as spouses under state law. The new law went into effect on January 1, 2005, with some of its provisions having a retroactive effect, as discussed below. We’re treating California separately from the other marriage-equivalent states because it has the largest number of legally registered couples and some of the most settled rules.

Requirements for Registration

Same-sex partners must register with the California Secretary of State (www.ss.ca.gov) to be eligible for rights and benefits under the domestic partnership laws. Registering with a California city, county, or private employer that also offers domestic partner registration is not enough to get the benefits and obligations provided for in the state law, even if you believed in good faith that you were obtaining all those rights.

The requirements for state registration, which costs $33, are:

Both partners must be 18 or older and capable of consent (if you are reading and understanding this book, you are capable of consent).

Neither partner may be married to, or in a registered domestic partnership with, someone else.

The partners must live together (but it’s okay for one or both partners to own another house that they use part time, and you don’t have to both own the house you live in). You don’t need to live in California in order to register, but many other states won’t recognize your domestic partnership, so as a practical matter there’s not much point in coming in from out of state to register unless you plan on sticking around.

The partners must not be related by blood.

The registration form must be notarized.

In addition, the partners must both be of the same sex, or one partner must be over the age of 62. Opposite-sex couples in which neither partner is 62 or over are not eligible to register as domestic partners. (The 62-or-over exception exists because for many people in that age bracket, marriage can have a negative effect on Social Security and other benefit entitlements. Allowing people in this situation to register as domestic partnerships means they can take advantage of the benefits of marriage without the potential downsides.)

When you register, you must attest that you meet the above requirements. You also have to agree that if your relationship ends when you live somewhere else, you can use a California court to divorce. This means the California court can process the legal paperwork involved in ending your relationship and decide how your property will be divided if you and your partner can’t reach your own agreement. If the state you’re living in when you separate won’t dissolve your relationship in its courts, this provision will allow you to use a California court to officially terminate your domestic partnership.

The Domestic Partner Rights and Responsibilities Act went into effect on January 1, 2005. If you registered before that date, all of the new rules apply to you—you don’t need to reregister. And the provisions of the law are retroactive to the date of your registration, a rule which undoubtedly will give rise to litigation as couples break up and argue about who owned how much of what, and when.

Visit the California Secretary of State’s website. For more information about domestic partnership, or to download the registration form, go to www.ss.ca.gov.

Rights and Responsibilities of California Registered Domestic Partners

Domestic partnership in California now carries with it a wide range of rights and responsibilities. All of these rights and responsibilities also apply to same-sex couples married during the June to November window in 2008. All of these couples are subject to the following rules:

Domestic partners have community property rights, meaning that unless the partners agree otherwise in writing all income earned or property acquired by either partner during the partnership belongs to both partners equally, regardless of who earned or acquired it. This rule is retroactive to the date of registration, even though you might not have known when you registered that these rights would be involved.

Each domestic partner has an equal right to manage and control community property (the income and property acquired by either spouse during the partnership), and an obligation to deal with the property in ways that will benefit both partners.

The couple’s community property is liable for community debts (those incurred during the partnership), and each partner may be responsible for debts incurred by the other partner during the partnership.

A child born into a registered domestic partnership will be considered the legal child of both partners. Technically, no adoption proceeding should be necessary—but legal experts consider it wise to do an adoption to ensure that the second parent’s rights are fully protected. Chapter 5 has more about this.

Registered domestic partners must receive the same employee benefits as spouses, under a 2007 law that requires even employers with out-of-state home offices to provide the same level of benefits.

Transfers of real property between domestic partners, whether in the course of the relationship or when the relationship ends, do not result in property tax reassessment (this applies to California state property tax only, not to federal tax questions of any kind).

Domestic partners have the same privilege as spouses to refuse to testify against each other in court.

Domestic partners have the same rights as married couples to family student housing, senior citizen housing, and other housing benefits.

A surviving domestic partner has the right to make anatomical gifts, consent to an autopsy, and make funeral arrangements for a deceased partner.

Upon separation, an economically dependent partner has the right to seek spousal support from his or her former partner.

As of tax year 2007, registered domestic partners must use the same filing status as married couples.

In addition, domestic partners and spouses have the rights to:

sue for the wrongful death of a partner

make health care decisions for a partner who becomes incapacitated

inherit just what a spouse would if the partner dies without a will

use sick leave to care for an ill domestic partner or the child of a domestic partner

relocate with a partner without losing eligibility for unemployment benefits

apply for disability benefits on behalf of an injured or incapacitated partner, and

deduct from taxable income the cost of a domestic partner’s health insurance or another benefit for state income tax purposes.

Under a related law, all types of insurers in California—health, life, disability, automobile, and soon—must provide identical coverage to domestic partners and spouses. So if your employer offers health insurance benefits to spouses of employees, your domestic partner is entitled to those same benefits. The same goes for an auto insurance company that gives lower rates to spouses who jointly own their cars and share the same insurance policy.

Ending a California Domestic Partnership

The rules for terminating a domestic partnership changed dramatically with the new law in 2005. Before that, it took only a one-page form—signed by only one partner—to end a domestic partner relationship. Now, almost all registered domestic partners will need to file a formal dissolution proceeding in court, just as heterosexual married couples do. You’ll have to exchange financial information and enter into a formal settlement agreement to divide your property and, if you have kids, to set out a plan for coparenting.

This involves quite a bit of paperwork—but it doesn’t mean you have to go through a knock-down, drag-out divorce. The court will have to approve the termination of your partnership, but you and your partner can still agree on how you want to divide your property and debts, and deal with custody and visitation of your kids. Mediation is a great option for making these decisions together. There’s more about mediation, and about what to do when a relationship ends, in Chapter 10.

If you registered in California and you live in another state when you break up, you can still terminate your domestic partnership in California if the courts in your new home state won’t recognize your partnership. But if neither of you ever lived in California, it’s unclear whether California law applies to your divorce—for example, whether community property rules apply. And if you have children, the divorce might be complicated by special laws about where custody cases can be heard. You’ll probably want to talk to a lawyer if you are registered as California domestic partners but are living in another state.

You’ll need more information about dealing with assets and debts at the end of a relationship. Take a look at Nolo’s Essential Guide to Divorce, by Emily Doskow, and Divorce & Money, by Violet Woodhouse with Dale Fetherling (Nolo), for detailed information about all aspects of divorce. The California Judicial Council website also has a great deal of information and advice in its self-help section, at www.courtinfo.ca.gov.

Other Marriage-Equivalent Laws

In eight other states (Washington, Oregon, Nevada, New Jersey, Delaware, Illinois, Hawaii, and Rhode Island), same-sex couples can enter into a civil union or domestic partnership. If they live in any of these marriage-equivalent states (and maybe in some other states as well, see below), the civil union or state-registered domestic partnership will give them just about all of the legal rights of marriage under state law. As with marriage, the federal agencies don’t currently recognize the legal partnership bestowed by state law.

Requirements for a Civil Union or Domestic Partnership

To enter a civil union or state-registered domestic partnership, typically both parties must be at least 18 years old, of sound mind, not related, and not already in a marriage or another legal partnership. A civil union license or domestic partnership registration is required. There is no residency requirement for entering into a civil union or state-registered domestic partnership. In most states you simply fill out the form and mail it in to the appropriate government office, but in some states, like Vermont, the civil union must be certified by a judge, a justice of the peace, or a clergy member who lives in Vermont (or has a special certification from the Vermont probate court).

Rights and Responsibilities of a Civil Union or Domestic Partnership

Parties to a civil union or state-registered domestic partnership generally accept responsibility to support each other just as spouses do, and the rights that come with a civil union or domestic partnership are the same as those granted to spouses in a marriage in whatever state you registered in. These most typically include:

use of family laws that cover annulment, divorce, child custody, child support, alimony, domestic violence, adoption, and property division, according to the marital property laws of your state

the right to sue for wrongful death, loss of consortium, and any other tort (personal injury) or legal claim related to spousal relationships

medical rights such as hospital visitation, notification, and durable power of attorney (allowing partners to make health care decisions for each other)

family leave benefits and public assistance benefits

the right to hold property as tenants by the entirety

the right to adopt a partner’s child under stepparent procedures

immunity from being compelled to testify against a partner, and the same marital communication privileges as a spouse

the right to file joint state tax returns (and typically the duty to file your state tax returns as a married couple), and

the right to inherit from each other without a will.

Although couples from other states can enter into a legal relationship in these states, many of their home states will not acknowledge an out-of-state registration for any purpose, including ending the relationship (see below). Only a few states have recognized domestic partnerships and civil unions for various purposes.

One of the oddest corners of uncertainty involves the issue of domestic partnership or civil union registration in the marriage-equality states. It would seem logical that if a state allows gay folks to marry, it would also recognize a marriage-equivalent registration from another state. But that’s not always the case, and the rules for interstate recognition have not been fully resolved. If you move across state lines you should check with an attorney to determine whether you also should register or marry in your new home state.

Ending a Domestic Partnership or Civil Union

To end a civil union or marriage-equivalent domestic partnership you must go to court, just as if you were married. Most states have residency requirements: At least one party must have lived in the filing state for a specified period of time, usually between six months and a year before filing the petition for dissolution.

As we’ve discussed, whether other state courts will process the dissolution of a domestic partnership or civil union is an open question. So far, one Connecticut court refused to consider the Vermont civil union of two Connecticut residents a contract for purposes of awarding support and dividing property, and a Texas judge refused to grant a divorce to two men married in Massachusetts. But in West Virginia and Iowa, judges have granted divorces to couples who entered into civil unions in Vermont.

The Status of “Outdated” Civil Unions

In New England, the arrival of marriage means that states must deal with their marriage-equivalent systems. Now that Connecticut offers full legal marriage, the state has phased out civil unions, which are no longer allowed. All existing civil unions have been “upgraded” automatically to marriages—except for those already in the midst of a dissolution. Previously registered civil union partners need not do anything to obtain the upgraded status, but should consider themselves lawfully wedded.

A similar protocol has been worked out for New Hampshire: Domestic partners were upgraded to married spouses as of January 1, 2011, unless they had already married on their own or have initiated a dissolution proceeding.

Vermont has taken a slightly different path. There, existing civil unions remain as such, with all the rights and duties of marriage. Civil union partners may voluntarily upgrade to marriage by formally marrying, but otherwise they will remain civil union partners.

Pre- and Postpartnership Agreements

Just as with the rules of full legal marriage, the legal responsibilities created by the new domestic partner law are not for everyone. Some couples may want to enter into written agreements defining their financial relationship, just as couples planning to marry do when they make prenuptial contracts. These agreements allow couples to set out their specific wishes about how they will share property and income, as well as how they will divide assets and debts if the relationship ends.

Making a prepartnership agreement isn’t as simple as just sitting down and writing out your agreements, though. There are special rules that apply to prenuptial agreements, and the same rules apply to same-sex couples who want to opt out of some or all of the marital laws. For example, each party must disclose to the other party all assets owned and debts owed. And although it’s not technically required, it’s strongly recommended that each partner have a separate attorney during the process of preparing a prepartnership agreement.

Also, although you can use a prepartnership agreement to divide property and money, and even define support obligations toward each other, you can’t make agreements in advance about child support, and you can’t make an agreement that releases either partner from the obligation to pay support for a child for whom the person is legally responsible.

You can get a head start on your prepartnership agreement. You and your partner can sit down together and think about what you would want in an agreement, and even do a first draft of the agreement yourselves, before taking it to separate attorneys for review and finalization. Check out Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair & Lasting Contract, by Katherine E. Stoner and Shae Irving. This book will help you figure out whether you need an agreement, take you through the steps of deciding what you might want in it, and help you figure out how to find and work with lawyers.

If you are already registered but are concerned that you might not want all of the provisions of the new law to apply to you, you can try preparing a postpartnership agreement. However, be particularly careful to find an attorney who is knowledgeable in this area. Postnuptial agreements are strongly disfavored by courts, and have even stricter rules than prepartnership agreements.

Marriage Lite: Relationship Recognition in Wisconsin, Colorado, and Maine

Colorado was one of the most recent states to come on board with some form of relationship recognition for same-sex couples, opting also for a watered-down version. And Maine is the most heartbreaking story, beginning with its initial passage of a limited form of domestic partnership, then briefly flirting with a legislatively imposed marriage law, overturned by the voters, putting the state back at square one—a limited form of domestic partnership. Wisconsin has a similarly limited domestic partnership law.

Colorado’s Reciprocal Beneficiaries Law

As of July 2009, Colorado has a reciprocal beneficiaries law, allowing couples to designate each other as beneficiaries and to choose from a list of rights by initialing an agreement form that’s set out in the law. This creates a permanent record of what the partners have agreed to. (This is an exception to the rule that we keep reminding you of, that in most states you must meet rigorous standards for a prenuptial agreement that sets out your choices about these rights. It’s also different from a prenuptial agreement in that it’s part of the public record once you file it with the county clerk.) You can choose among the following rights: avoiding probate through trusts; designating beneficiaries under public employee benefits plans or, in some cases, private plans; owning property in the same joint form used by married couples; having priority as a conservator or the like; hospital visitation and the right to make anatomical gifts and decide on body disposition after death; inheritance if one partner dies without a will; workers’ compensation; and rights to bring an action for the wrongful death of a partner. You can terminate your reciprocal beneficiary relationship by using a form provided by the state.

Wisconsin’s Domestic Partnership Law

In Wisconsin, domestic partnership is limited to same-sex couples, and requires only that the partners both be over 18, live together, and not be closely related or married (or domestically partnered) to anyone else. Domestic partners don’t have all the same rights as married couples in Wisconsin, but the rights they do have aren’t insignificant—they include inheritance rights, a presumption that partners hold property as joint tenants, and the ability to sue for wrongful death of a partner, along with a number of other rights.

Domestic Partnership in Maine

Maine has a program similar to Wisconsin’s, in that it includes inheritance and other rights but doesn’t approach the marriage equivalent relationships available in other states. Partners have the right to inherit each other’s property and are considered next of kin for purposes of making funeral and burial arrangements. They have the right to serve as guardian or conservator if the other partner becomes incapacitated, and to visit the other partner in the hospital, as well as other rights.

Is Marriage (or Its Equivalent) Right for You?

Now that same-sex couples in a significant minority of states actually have the opportunity to enter into legal relationships that include important rights and responsibilities, you will have to decide whether marriage or a marriage-equivalent domestic partnership or civil union is the best thing for you. Getting married or registering under new laws is like sitting in the emergency exit row of an airplane: You need to receive special warnings and be prepared for some real uncertainties, legally speaking.

One of the most important complications that comes with marriage or legal partnership is that it remains unclear whether other states will recognize your relationship, or how the federal government will treat your partnership. And it may take quite a few years for the courts to unscramble all of these complexities. Ironic as it seems, it’s possible that the federal government will see the light before some states do. This could mean that your relationship could en