Same-Sex Marriage Pros and Cons
Same-sex marriage facts to help you decide whether it's for you.
For same-sex couples living in Massachusetts, California, Connecticut, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Oregon, and Vermont, either same-sex marriage or a reasonable facsimile is now a reality. If you live in any of these states, you and your partner have a decision to make that same-sex couples have never had to make before: whether marriage is right for you.
A few other states -- Hawaii, Maine, Washington, D.C., and Washington State -- have domestic partnership laws, but they offer limited rights that don't really approximate marriage. Still, for folks living in these and other states, it's never too early to think about what you might do if new relationship options became available where you live. (For up-to-date information, see Same-Sex Marriage: Developments in the Law.)
Factors to Consider
Here are some things to consider as you think about how you want to structure your relationship.
Having children. In most cases, if you have children or hope to raise a family, getting married is probably the right choice. Both partners in a married couple have the same rights and responsibilities to raise and support children of the relationship, and in a divorce both can seek visitation and custody. If one parent dies, the other one steps right in as the primary legal parent. It's pretty difficult to make these sorts of arrangements absent a legal marriage or a second parent or stepparent adoption. (To learn about second parent or stepparent adoptions, read Nolo's article Adoption and Parenting When Your Lesbian or Gay.)
Jointly owning property. Marriage isn't a prerequisite for owning property together, but if you get married, in most situations your property will be jointly owned regardless of who paid for it. This is the reverse of the presumption that applies to unmarried couples. Getting married may be the most efficient way of establishing a property merger. If keeping things separate is more to your taste, you will have to sign a prenuptial agreement to avoid the joint ownership presumptions of a legal marriage.
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